A world of me.A place in me. My blog=My life sketchbook

2011-11-26T16:36:00.002+08:00

转眼,三年已过.

发觉, 自己比想象中脆弱.

没了勇气.

2011-07-22T19:01:00.004+08:00

小时候期望长大, 长大后回首小时候.

前几天,踏入了小学母校. 那陪伴了我六年成长的地方,顿时熟悉又陌生. 熟悉于环境依然熟略.陌生于岁月的冲洗,那批身穿校服,在校园里蹦蹦跳跳的一群小瓜儿,不再是熟悉的面孔.

岁月把皆日筑梦期的我们, 带领于今日走在或努力的前往于皆日所筑的梦.

小时候的天空, 无忧无虑. 那放学后回到父母怀抱的日子, 那闷了玩闹, 累了休息的日子, 如今回望, 乃会会心一笑.

不知何时开时,不一样了.长大后的天空, 多了责任, 多了复杂.

孩提时的那份天真, 那份无邪依然存在吗?

pin's sem 5

2010-11-19T09:23:00.002+08:00

my semester 5 has come to an end..semester 5, a semester that brought me through a journey of ups and downs..
yes.. i love pathology, i love clinical biochem, i love parasitology and medical entomology,i love endocrinology and reproductive physiology, i love human nutrition, i like spanish..i love all subjects tought this semester..i love the feeling of being able to learn new things, being able to add in something into my little brain..
semester 5, same as usual, full of assignments, tests, exam.. life is busy but fun...going through each days with things to accomplished written on the calender days.... it feels great.. at least i know that, time is not wasted.. i really like the phase" u feel bored because u have nothing to do". i do not want my life to be meaningless, i do not want my days to be wasted..
what caught me most this semester, perhaps is a lesson thought.. a lesson that thought me to be more careful, a lesson that caught me so much that i started to wonder "why?". i blame myself.. blame myself for my carelessness, blame myself for trusting people that easily.. i wonder, am i that stupid? am i that naive? yes, to a certain extend, im naive, naive for trusting the words.. stupid for my first decision... anyway, this remains a lesson to me... perhaps, to see things in another way, it helps me.. at least i grow through it..
anyway, starting my in- house training next week.. really looking forward to it..^^

lately

2010-10-16T19:37:00.003+08:00

things has been playing in my mind lately..
i do not know what action to take.. i do not know what to do..
it's been a while..
sometimes, i told myself just keep quiet n be patient..
sometimes, i questioned myself, is this the right way?
some said, forgive and forget and live on..
i wonder, am i able to do so??
it sounds weird.. it feels kinda weird..
in my mind, i asked: what if i forgive but not forget? not forget as in taking it as a lesson, a lesson teaching me to be more careful,teaching me not to trust anyone solely..
whatever it is, i take it as a lesson taught..

2010-08-27T20:55:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i'm feeling that, things change.
do not know whether is this termed as growing? or is it natural to have different views as time passes by.

in my mind...

2010-06-02T15:39:00.003+08:00

it's june.. half of 2010 gone, or rather, gained??
went through january... the 1st month of 2010.. the begining of the year.. with new year reasolutions, new year wishes, goals and targets... now, i started wondering, in the middle 0f 2010, of all those new year resolutions, goals, targets.. how many were reached???
went through february.. a month of festive.. with chinese new year, valentines' day, chap goh mei... a month filled with joy...
and there goes march.. the 3rd month of the year 2010... with assignments, tests pouring in.. with activities that give some time off school works..
also, went through april.. a month i m a year older... perhaps, also the last month of my 4th semester.. mixed feelings of joys and tears..
went through a blissful month of may..with the semester holiday just started..being in the arms of family members..
and, it is now the begining of june.. with july, august, september, october, november, december ahead.. i wonder, how the rest of my 2010 will be??

pin's 4th sem

2010-05-16T15:36:00.003+08:00

semester 4 is over.. said bye bye to it... and is also thankful that i survived through another semester....
semester 4... many things come and go, many things happened, experoences gained and will be gaining as the time goes on...
In the sense of academy, though there were great lots of exams and great lots of things to read on, yet it is always a great thing to know more, to learn more.. as learning is a never ending process.. perhaps, after 2 years in this area, i think that I’m getting to love lab work….with hand ons and everything to play with , how can it not be fun? I’ve forgotten when, but I’m pretty sure that it’s somewhere within my 2nd year, that I told myself, I must at least grab hold of every exposures during lab sessions.. I won’t want to graduate knowing nothing at all…
perhaps, 1 that brought great significant to many biomedical science student was the very 1st malaysia biomedical symposium.. perhaps, to a certain extend it was not a perfect one… yet, what it managed to brought was not words can say..
this 4th sem, got myself involved in this golden key thingy… it is just a beginning.. a long long way to go.. but, I hope that it would be a great one…
also, I’m a year older..so sad to say that im no longer in my sweet 21.. anyway, I’ll make my 22nd a sweet memorable one.. i hope that, when I look back later in life, my 22 would not be a wasted one.. so, live, dream, explore, discover…..
great lots of lessons gained this semester.. which I will always remember and will follow me wherever I go.. 1. Appreciate and show gratitude to those who help.. 2. Decisions are made by our own self, no one can helps us, as it is our life not others…3. Be responsible for everything we do..4.when things goes wrong, put the blame on ourselves not others..5. always have back up plans..
the most important thing that this sem, told me, is that, it is actually a great blessing to be given the chance to live.. nothing is more precious that life itself.. L=live I=it F=fully E=exclamation mark… whatever life brings, whatever that happens, they come with a reason.. so, live life and grab whatever life wants us to know…

ifs

2010-03-22T20:22:00.002+08:00

so many if in life which i started wondering which if to take..
sometimes, decision is damn hard to be made.. there's always a part giving the green light, and a part giving the red light.. as what is said, the angel and the devil part working at the very same time....
whichever it is, red or green, go or stop, i just hope that i am not gonna regret on what i have decided...
telling myself, that, making decision, to be able to stand at the T junction, deciding a left or a right, is actually a blessing in life..
"L= live
I=It
F=fully
E=exclaimation mark!!!!!"
holding upon it... ^.^

CNY

2010-02-20T22:18:00.003+08:00

the one thing i love about CNY, is to be able to be around with family and friends..
it feels great to be filled with love and care..
it feels great to be around with all love ones..
it feels great to be of no worries, but just indulge in the warmth that home brings...

Argh....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-16T20:01:00.004+08:00

What's the matter with me???
i do not know what on earth am i doing? what on earth am i thinking???
2 papers the coming week, and yet, i just couldn't seem to settle down on the notes.........
Argh............. hate it this way!!!!!!!!!
what's wrong with me????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new sem

2009-12-30T09:44:00.004+08:00

it's the 30th today... the 2nd last day for the year 2009...
semester has started, and today is the 3rd day..
introduction to gastrointestinal system physiology, pharmacology, and asas keusahawanan done so far... somehow, is anticipating for the details... also, looking forward for immunology and AMB... hopefully, i'll fall in love to this semester as well....
2010 is ahead.. a brand new year is coming..
wishing for a great 2010...^^
happy new year in advance..

hmm...

2009-12-18T11:41:00.002+08:00

it's a friday today. the second last friday for the year 2009.....
with the year 2010 fast approaching, the year 2009 is slowly coming to an end.. leaving behind memories, unforgetable lessons.. all were histories created, craved and written....
with a year almost ending, i'm still filled with doubts.... doubts? or perhaps fear?? fear of? the future?? or should i put it this way?? fear or more to anxious on what will my future be?? sometimes, i really wonder, what would my path be, after my graduation?? what will i be????

???

2009-12-13T10:34:00.002+08:00

13 more days and i will be starting off with my 4th semester....and i have been wondering, how my 4th semester will be??with subjects of pharmacology, immunology, Applied molecular biology, physiology, asas keusahawaan awaiting....somehow, there's this 'looking -forward -to- it' feel in me.. wonder, which subject/ subjects will i fall in love to??

hi to december

2009-12-01T20:07:00.007+08:00

It has come to the month of December...another 30 days to a brand new year.. another 27 days to my 4th semester..
omg.. time is really flying..
it seem like it was just yesterday that i welcomed the year 2009, and now, it is coming to an end..
wonder, how was my year 2009???
perhaps, the year 2009 really has a great impact on me..
to a certain extend, it opened my eye.. opened my eye to a great lot of things.. it told me, how big the world is.. it told me, how tiny i am.. it told me, there are a great lots of things to learn.. it told me, learning is a forever process...
it brought to me new perspectives..it brought to me priceless lessons i should never forget..
it told me that life is precious and irreplaceable.. it taught me to appreciate, to be thankful, to love, to care, to give, to cherish everyone and everything..
the year 2009 has brought a lot to me..and im thankful that i still have December to cherish...^^

fear???

2009-11-20T20:52:00.002+08:00

yup.. it's another friday again..
all these time, i have been crapping on how fast time passes by...but indeed, time is flying..
perhaps, to a certain aspect, i'm scared? scared of lossing minutes? scared of regrets?
this fear haunted me..
i do not know since when it existed?? since when it's taking over me??

encounter

2009-11-18T17:18:00.003+08:00

those words..
were like bladder cutting me into pieces...
forced a smile,
told myself softly..
"i'll prove it wrong.."

untitled

2009-11-15T13:01:00.002+08:00

tomorrow, this hour, i guess i will be hundred feets above, crossing south china sea, flying back to the land of hornbils..
time has been travelling us all this time..bringing us towards the destiny that we are suppose to be on..
there's a part of me asking myself, am i moving closer or am i furthering away???
i do not know what is in my mind right now.. i'm confused.. i'm lost...
with each step we take, with each step we move, where will it leads us to?? there was a question playing over and over in my head.. wondering and wondering... what if that step we are taking aren't meant to be taken? had i ever step onto those aren't meant to be taken step? or am i onto one now???
lost.. lost in the sense that i do not know where my direction is??
it gets to me that i am somehow fearing what is ahead.. it is not suppose to be so.. but why??
perhaps, those uncertainties ahead.. those misery in front... somehow playing their games on me..
i do believe in the saying that we won't know what is ahead unless we move on..
whatever it is, whatever it will, might as well live this moment, seize this minute....

--

2009-11-13T12:03:00.002+08:00

having my eyes staring from the windows, my mind flew off...
it's november now.. a year almost ending..
everything is flying.. it seems so fast..
'life is precious and irreplacable.' i love this line so much..it caught me so much....
there was a second, i was thinking, how much has i wasted?

ysp 3rd sem

2009-11-09T21:56:00.002+08:00

the 9th of november 2009, the last day of final, also the last day of my 3rd semester...
there gone my 1st semester of my second year...
a semester all mixed up with ups and downs, a semester filled with laughter and joy...of course not to miss, it was again a semester with endless tests, exams...with reports and assignments to rush..
yet, compared to the last 2 semesters, i love my 3rd semester..
it seems like everything has just started. it seems like that it is only the begining..
juniors pouring in...( that indicating that i'm old dy T.T), introduction to new subjects, getting to know great great friends, mixing around with different people..
i'm not going to crap on how it feel like to study for tests.. as, the most sickening time is the days and hours before sitting for papers...
i know that it is only the begining.. there is still a long long way to go, a long long way to explore...

2009-10-27T22:29:00.001+08:00

first paper on the 29th..and that meaning that i only have 1 more day before entering the exam hall..
all the best^^

move or stop?

2009-10-15T15:04:00.002+08:00

sometimes, it takes to me so deeply that i do not know what on earth is in my mind..
it goes to a standard that the word eternity is slowly being erased from my dictionary..
along the way, we gain and we lost..
each step forward, we might be gaining something and also losing something as well..
i agree with the saying that this is life..moving on the way, encountering different things in differents phases, learning and growing in each phases...
yet, sometimes, when it's time to let go and move on to the next phase, that feeling is yet so intense....

crapping at 5th floor of the faculty at this hour..

2009-10-09T21:17:00.003+08:00

it was a long time since my last post...
tests tests tests, that's life these days.. yet, happy to say that test 2 has ended.. BUT, final is so so so on the way.. omg, it's another torturing weeks on studying and examing...
last few weeks, weeks before i went back for the raya break, i saw the 1st shoothing stars i've ever seen.. it was so nice.. but, sad to say, i didn't manage to make any wish.. anyway, hoping for a second chance..
last saturday, was our mid autumn festival.. was it last saturday? i suppose.. had somehow lost track of time.. yet our mid autumn festival had somehhow turned out to be some sort of jamuan raya.. hmm, not sure what event was that, but for sure it was an eating event..it had been ages i played with tanglung.. my last memory recall was the time when i was in primary 3 or 4..
anyway, before i start reading for finals, i sure going to enjoy myself first..my mind is so full of places to play..
ok.. emough of those stupid craping.. heading bacck to college before i got myself freak off here..

random....

2009-09-26T20:29:00.003+08:00

years have passed, things have changed..
many things come and go...
that is what time brings... it travels us..

(-_+)

2009-09-18T20:57:00.002+08:00

life is too short to lose..a minute lost is a minute gone.. there are so many things that life can give, but of all those so many things, how many of those that we really did grab hold to??
oppprtunities most of the time are there just right beside us, it all depends on whether did we notice them and grab full hold of them.. sometimes, they come in as clues. sometimes, they appear so obviously. sometimes, they just whisper into us, giving us hints and many more... perhaps, of all those sometimes, if we really pay more attention and did try to be more attentive, to be more observant, we might not be moving further and further, and perhaps, might not at the end, gone so far apart from the chances that once stand side by side with us..
i always do believe that every happenings, every decisions, every steps taken might somehow act as some sort of chain reactions... and also believing that every little matters might be carrying hints to the next..
what on earth am i crapping on??? don't mind my insanity..
one week raya break is ahead.. a week holiday, a week off tests.. yeappy yeappyy...
coming to that, glancing through the calender, found out that time really passes so fast that it wait for no ones..there's another say like four weeks to go before final, before leaving this semester and heading for the next...
i love this semester so so so so much, yet knowing that it is somehow coming to an end, really makes me feel so so so reluctant, reluctant to say bye bye to this sem...life moves on as i said.. i'll cherish every second left for this semester...

T.T

2009-09-10T21:34:00.004+08:00

When everything comes to silence, i feel like hiding myself and let all my tears out again...i screwed my haemato test today.....down i am, blue i am....
anyway, there's still 3 more papers next week before flying back again..
trying to talk myself not to think more on that screwed paper and concentrate on the 3 coming papers next week..

pre test 2 nagging...

2009-09-05T19:39:00.002+08:00

i've found myself lost.
i've found myself blurred.
from A to Z, from 1 to 10,
alphabets to alphabets, numbers to numbers..
i've found myself all confused up..
i wish for a greater capacity,
i wish for a longer attention span,
i wish for more alive functioning brain cells,
i wish for more time,
i wish.. i wish..
White blood cells, my dearest white blood cells,
please be more gentle to me,
please give me that chance to understand you,
please give me that chance to get what you mean,
please give me that chance to love you more.
chromosomes, chromosomes,
please don't go your own way,
let me know you, stay with me please.
IT, IT, IT,
pop up n tell me more bout you...

back to study...

crapzzz..

2009-09-03T23:57:00.002+08:00

life is unpredictable...
it's coming to twelve, meaning that another day will be gone soon... and ahead is a brand new day... a brand new start...
sometimes, i had been thinking, did i ever make full use of my everydays?
sometimes, i had been wondering- a brand new day indicating a brand new start?
waking up in the morning, really for the new day ahead..forgetting the past and moving on...as if a brand new self walking towards that new 24 hours...
and now i'm telling myself to forget yesterdays and work for tomorrows...
overdozed myself with caffeine.. hitting my limit.. which i wonnder how far will i go?
test 2 is ahead.. presentations are coming.... final is on the way...
frankly, im quite scared of the upcoming test 2.. cos im so so so not prepared......

my day today..

2009-08-29T22:19:00.003+08:00

as i did mentioned in my previous post, i did say that i do hope that i can get something done by today... but, sadly enough, i get nothing done at all.. except for the IT and cyto presentations..
received a call from Delon for a day outing.. and there i went... met up with them at Mid Valley, and off we went to KLCC.. met up with old friends and new friend...Mei Ying, Cornelius,Ester, CK, Yaw, Delon, Macus... was a great great great day...had a lot of fun...
imagine, every toll we went, Delon would be shouting, and i mean it SHOUTING, terima kasih in such a foreign way.. with the realization that he was not entertained, he changed to thank you in a very foreign slang indeed.. wth..never really knew that searching for ways and getting lost can be of so much fun...swt...
yes, it was a journey with lots of laughter and fun...
and yes, i did had my fun...indeed, it was the greatest outing since i came to kl...
yeah...
2 more days of holiday... will be trying to make full use of it... good luck then...

speechless....

2009-08-28T22:06:00.003+08:00

[ things i want my daughters to know],[ sickened] ,[ my sister's keepe].. my 3 newly bought novels... yeappy... but.. guess how much they cost me???? RM 75.. yes, it's RM 75... ok... now im broke... broke.. broke...broke...
haha.. had been wanting to get [ things i want my daughters to know]since may...n yes, i finally got it..yeappy...had that in hand,[ my sister's keeper]and[sickened] caught me..and so, here i am with 3 new novels to kill time.. wth..
and it really is time kiling... with piles of assignments, presentations, and test 2 ahead, i know that i shouldn't be onto those novels..
i promised myself, tomorrow i'll be up with real work.. and that is, to finish up my 2 IT presentations, compile up the physio report, finished up my cyto presentaion, and hopefully can do a bit of readings on all those untouched notes since test 1 ended...

-_+

2009-08-25T22:51:00.003+08:00

how am i suppose to put this in words? i do not know...
a little blank, a little lost, a little incomplete, a little i don't know what...
sometimes, feeling that it is complicated.. life is complicated.... or is it me that is complicated?
what am i bullshiting on? no idea....
putting words together as my mind and my fingers cooperate?..wth...
ever wonder? wonder, is it always that true that we have to give up one thing to get another??? does this always applies? decisions? how come, it can be so hard to come up with a decision??? ya ya ya... i admit that im always that suck in making decisions...

random...

2009-08-22T18:51:00.002+08:00

sometimes, words are easy to be said.
sometimes, words seem heavy.
sometimes, words come accidentally.
sometimes, words are swallowed.
sometimes, words are left unheard, unspoken.
which sometimes, does that sometimes applies?

lesson 1...

2009-08-20T11:49:00.002+08:00

yeah... test 1 is so finally over... after 2 long freaking weeks of studying, 2 weeks of scary readings, 2 weeks of IT, CVS, Econ, Anatomy,Haematology, Cytogenetics.... i'm finally is free.. free from test 1.....
happened to be chatting with a friend on msn the day before Physio test..something that caught me so deeply.. the line goes.. "it is easy to study for tests, but it is hard to remember the things you have studied for future uses...so, don't study because of tests. find a way to remember what you have learnt and apply them.."
this line, this words, stimulated me so much.... thanks a lot to sia yang...

..............

2009-08-15T13:06:00.003+08:00

there's 3 more papers to go.....am so suppose to be having my eyes laid on that piles of notes now but wth, i got so sleepy while glancing through the words... and so, it so ended up that me wasting my time again....and again, i believe that i sure will be complaining of lacking of time and hoping for more time instead...
there are sure so many signs telling me to study for the coming exams... 1st, i can't even log on to facebook, can't access youtube, MSN was blocked, but sad to say, despite all this, im still loitering around.. wth......
will be trying to read up all the notes...focus.. focus.. focus.....

2009-08-07T14:50:00.002+08:00

am now again, been bombarded with tests, tests, tests, tests..................
IT, CVS, anatomy,cytogenetic.. all in a week..
time, time, time... i need more time....

randomsss...

2009-07-31T22:06:00.002+08:00

when life is easy, we get happy.. we feel lazy..we complain..
when life gets harder, we get tense up.. we feel the stress.. and yet, we complain again..
perhaps, it's just part of human nature.. the nature of complaining.... wth...
many times, things come in both.. there's the good positive side and aslo the bad negative side... as to which to look forward to, to lay our hand on, it all depends on how we see things... isn't that sounds true?
i really have to admit that, i really hate ppl questioning me, questioning my way on approaching things.. i have my ways.. i know what on earth i am doing.. i settle what i think is more important 1st... i do think that im at least mature enough to decide which comes first and which next...
it get to me that i was so caught up in anger last week... which by the end of the day, i still stand firm on my point.. official stuffs and inofficial stuffs, i opt for official stuffs 1st...
whatever.. enough on that stupid crapping..
im on the third day of my sudden pushed forward mid sem break.. with a clear mind that test 1 is fast approaching, yet i just couldn't settle down to do my revision.. am i caught with the so called hyperactive syndrome? wth..

H1N1

2009-07-30T10:42:00.002+08:00

thanks to H1N1, im stucked in lcct for 1 whole freaking long night..
also thanks to H1N1, im back to kuching!!!!!!!!!!
overnighted at lcct, and wth, it's so not a good experience.. was awake the whole night, seeing ppl walking by, talking, seeing all different sleeping styles, walking here and there, onlineing........ the next day, was freaking sleepy, and selpt during the flight.... but then, also thanking the steward for helping me to carry my hand carry.. thanks ya...
and so ya, im back to kuching.. in time for the kuching festival... eat eat eat.. play play play...gosh... yeappy......

=+=

2009-07-25T20:43:00.003+08:00

it's another weekend. and i'm moving towards my 4th week... gosh, time passes so so so fast...
last night,was our biomedic bbq night. BUT, sad to say, i missed it.. felt a little bit sad for that..
was at k14, for some registration stuff... haha... this time i am trying out something so new, something that never had i grabbed hold on, something that i'm so so so unfamiliar with.. but, i'm so so so excited to give it a try...wish me all the best then...
i'm now very hungry.. should had bought something to eat at the mines just now....
broke now.... spent too much... start saving up...

thank you...

2009-07-24T11:46:00.005+08:00

my special thanks to Mr. Fahmi, Haematology for doing all the tests and screenings for me, calling me up to show me all the results, from the count, screen test and showing me all the slides, explaining everything to me in so much detail... also special thanks to Dr. Lai for all the explanation and advices...really thanks a lot.....
after Haematology lab yesterday, Mr. Fahmi asked me to follow him to the Haematology lab to show me the test result. explaining everything to me.. and he actually asked me whether i want to do another 1 with fresh blood so that he can show me in detail and further explain everything to me. and i said yes. this morning, he called me up to Haematology lab... showed me all the slides he did, explaining everything to me and also showing me sample pictures from books... Dr. Lai was there. She again explained everything to me.. i'm really is very thankful to them ,both Mr. Fahmi, Dr. lai and Dr. Sabariah as well...really thanks a lot..

;-)

2009-07-23T00:49:00.002+08:00

kl style of doing things.. a term that is so so so funny yet the meaning behind, only say like a few of us know.. to be honest, i so don't like this style... and those who knows the meaning behind, do not like it too.. so, what's the kl style of doing things? haha.. guess then..
was reading that haematology text book.. and gosh, it is so damn interesting... it's the first time that reading a text book can be so exciting...fliping through pages by pages.. reading on the diseases related, the laboratory findings, the clinical features, oh gosh,that is so so so so so interesting.. i love it!!!!
now, i'm loving the journey that i am on... i'm happy and i'm contented...

-_<

2009-07-18T20:47:00.002+08:00

read sia yang's latest blog post, and it somehow did dug out some memories..
yup, were given choices, options.. so many came in one go, and was somehow trying hard to pick or to choose on which path to take....
those days, choices of IMU, UCSI, university of Tasmania, University of Auckland, UTAR, Swinburn... of all these choices in front of me, such great great opportunities...but i let them go, and opted for UPM instead....
did i regreted??? yes, i did.. but there's so nothing much to do... i once was given the chances but yet i let them slipped by me... i'm myself is the one to be blammed...
i did ever wondered, what if i go for another path instead?
to see things on the bright side.. i'm telling myself, doing biomedical science in UPM isn't that bad after all.... i'm trying to like what i am doing.. and yes, exposing to new subjects this sem, did somehow, provided me the chances to find out what i am interested in.. and so far as i've mentioned, i love Haematology... perhaps, it's too early to decide now, but furthering into the study of blood is now one of my choice.. but now, the doubts again arrise, what will then be the job opportunity?

2nd week...

2009-07-17T21:32:00.003+08:00

2nd week of the semester ended again....time passes so fast...
a week of new exposure to the subjects im doing this semester. and yes, im still so so so so so in love with Haematology, still so so so so in live with Prof. Dr. Elizabeth George, still so so so so in love with playing with blood. did my full blood count yesterday. and wth, Dr. Lai said that im anemic, suspected for iron deficiency anemia... Mr. Fahmi said he will do a blood test for me again and will let me know the result by next week...waiting...
get to play along with beads during cytogenetics lab....somehow an experiment designed to let us have a better exposure of the mitosis, meosis process??? it's Cytogenetics and i'm playing with beads????!!!!! swt...
am now currently thinking hard how am i suppose to draw the graph for RBC osmotic fragility... the experiment result my group got was like... ehm.. ah.. don't know what to say.. should i change the result? if so, how am i suppose to change it?????thinking, thinking, thinking and thinking.....

:>

2009-07-13T20:53:00.003+08:00

it was such an unexpected sms....a sms that brought along the love, the care, the warmth... touched and grateful i am.....undescribable... but i'm indeed is thankful..
had been doubting on some stuffs these days.... wonder am i just digging my own grave for that????

2009-07-12T12:13:00.002+08:00

1 week ended..
i love hamatology, i love Prof. Dr. Elizabeth George's lecture.. it's the one and only lecture that i actually listen till the end..i love haematology lab,i love Dr. Lai Mei I, i love playing with blood.... it's living, it's interesting, it's fun..
anatomyII, lecture still ok ok, but the lab session, not bad.. i waited since 1st year for the dissection sessions.. having the scapels cut down the cadaver layer by layer, getting rid of the fat, not bad not bad.. but can be boring to repeat the same thing again and again.... anticipating for the next session....
CVS and respiratory physiology, not bad not bad.. dueing with blood this week.... RBC, WBC..
cytogenetics, introduction done.. am waiting for the next session..
IT lab is fun though i so totally not an idea what the instructor is saying and even what the assignment wants.. the instuctor is nice... fun to play with....for the lecture, i was dreming all the way through...
Econ, so no fun.. i don't like Econ.. not a bit.. 1 thing is that the slides are in English but wth, the lecture was conducted in Malay.. wth.. i don even get a word he is saying...shit....Why BM?? why???
yesterday, my shopping day.. guess how much i spent in just less that 2 hours in the shopping complex... it's RM 203.56..not including my lunch, food, bus fare, ktm fare.... that's killing....
bye bye to my first week.. next week will be a brand new start........

i don't like this way of doing things...

^_^

2009-07-06T18:53:00.004+08:00

1st day of the new sem.....found that i don like Econ....... why i have to take Econ? anyway, telling myself that it is only the 1st class and maybe i would be likeing it soon.. will i???also telling myself that it is the new sem and i should be happy for it... was i happy for it?????
couldn't believe that i was so on the phone for more than an hour... talking ,craping, laughing, joking, secret talk, so many so many...
wth, how could i had forgetten it???????!!!!!!! had to be reminded by dad..anyway, taking it tomorrow... couldn't afford to be reminded on that for so many times.............
laptop somehow just recovered from a severe virus attack...had it reformated..it is somehow virus free now, which i so hope and pray that it will stay virus free from now on for i really can't afford to have all my data lost again.... my beloved Kaspersky internet security 2009, please do do ur job ya...

1st day back k17

2009-07-05T20:43:00.004+08:00

back to k17... back to start off a new semester...
i miss home.. i miss dad, i miss da zhie, i miss er zhie, i miss koko, i miss mikella, i miss alyssa, i miss emiline, i miss elisia, i miss eric koko, i miss francis koko... i miss so many people at kuching, i miss everyone and everything at kuching.....
new house, new room, new house mates( all 4th year seniors)....a totally new environment... cleaning, washing, dettoling, and the worst moving all belongings from 2nd wing to 4th wing and somemore to the 4thh floor...really do not know why i have so many things?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! wth...
yesterday flight was a happy happy one..a lot of friends was on the same flight.. mac, ck, richard, elaine, jf....and jian wei who was on the 7 something flight, went to the airport earlier than us 5 something flight punya people... just to send us off..so good of him.. js, vui long, ming ming, hon sun, derek went to send us off too...meaning that a bunch of crazy kids crazying at the airport... haha.. joking, playing, laughing, crazying from kuching airport to LCCT... fun fun fun... hehe... pity richard koko for being bullied by me and ck.. haha...
omg... 1st day back already spent so much... went to the mines in the afternoon, and was like never went shopping and sapu so many things..crazy me.....
am i too pampered by streamyxx at home??????????? how come it seem like that the internet connection here is like so so so so damn slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?????????? was it me or the line??????

:'(

2009-07-03T20:25:00.002+08:00

couldn't believe that i am actually going back tomorrow... there's so many reluctancy...
recieved a phone call asking me when am i going back kl... and wth, then i realised that i am actually leaving tomorrow.. gosh.. the word T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W seem so heavy all of a sudden...
do not know why going back seem to be so heavy to me suddenly... am actually looking forward to be exposing to new things, to learn new stuffs... but yet there's something that is holding me back... and that something? what is that? that will then remain in me, a secret that i myself know.....

2009-06-28T17:01:00.001+08:00

enjoying the last week of my holiday....

2009-06-25T21:56:00.002+08:00

seeking and seeking and seeking...
there's sometimes a difference when we feel motivated than being unmotivated....
there's a difference between living life with hopes, aims than dragging ourselves through life with no aims, hopes............
there's also obviously a difference between doing things we like than doing things we dislike..........

2009-06-24T21:36:00.003+08:00

had been wondering how will the story be? will it go my way? happy ending???

all mixed up.....

2009-06-23T15:45:00.005+08:00

it's tuesday already.. can't believe that i'll be leaving in less than 2 weeks time... gosh.. i'm anticipating for the new sem but somehow there's a part of me that feel so reluctant to get back to k17, and a part of me that feel like going back.. wth is wrong with me??????????????got myself so mixed up... swt...
2 hours of badminton session with ck, jian wei, clc, richard.. fun but a little tiring.. hehe... stupid me who instead of hitting the ball over, had the whole racket hit over to the next court too.. =.='''' another jogging session tomorrow too.. omg, since when i am leading such a healthy lifestyle?? whatever, must burn off those fat that i somehow accumulated this holiday...=.=''''
台湾观摩团on the 21th nov to 31th dec... to go or not to go??? arg... cant make up my mind... yes or no?? go or not??? no or yes???

pre- new sem syndrome

2009-06-15T18:00:00.010+08:00

had a glance at the calender, and wth, i'm saying bye bye to my holiday in two weeks plus times...time flies.. really flies.. it was like the holiday has just started and i'm saying bye bye to it... ok ok.. i knew that it were like two months plus dy, yet i do not know why it just feel like so short to me....
but, on a bright side, it should had been long enough.. should be the time to get back into some serious matter.. if not, that little brain of mine will get so so rusted up, though i believe that it was already half rusted...
when the new semester start, i'm officially in my second year dy.. omg, unbelievable that i actually went through my first year without screwing it up.. thank God for that... subjects awaiting me next sem--> 1.Haematology
2.Cytogenetics
3.Phsiology II
4.Anatomy II
5.IT
6.Econ
will they be interesting?? no idea at this moment..hopefully they are and hopefully they do bring in some excitement.. so, then, i'll just have to explore them as i move along in my 1st semester of my second year...
what i did most during this holiday?? actually did some serious thinking on what am i going to do after my biomedic degree..googled up in the internet on job opportunities for biomedical sceince graduates, bomedical science future in malaysia, career prospects of biomedical science in malaysia...... the answers were like not so promising which then do not know why, there was like a little fear suddenly developing... i DON'T WANT to be a lecturer, there's so NO WAY im going into academia... what do i want most? i like the atmosphere of the hospital, and i really hope that i can work in the hospital.. to do that, i will have to further up my studies., and that is what i am going to do.. further up my studies so that i can move towards my dream...
the weather nowadyas is like so so so so damn hot.. how i wish to cover myself up in ice or to hide myself up in the fridge.. anything, to ease the heat.....

=_=""""""""

2009-06-14T17:38:00.003+08:00

it sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY.........and i actually said no to popwave, said no to the spring, said no to my favourite pasta and all those cheezy cheezy delicacies!!!!!!!!!!!even dad were like sooooooooooo suprised that i actually stayed at home the whole day on a SUNDAY.........
2 sleepless nights.... that is so crazy.. never knew that caffeine works so well on me???!!!!! ok, no tea, no coffee, no chocolate, no cola, no no no.............ok, perhaps, yes chocolate.....

a little update

2009-06-08T19:55:00.003+08:00

3/6- dad admited to hospital. supposing to go to SGH for a post operation review, but then when the doctors see the x-ray taken earlier that day, they admited my dad. there were fluid collection on the left pleural, which then the doctors did some procedure to drain out the collection.
8/6- dad discharged from hospital.
the other day, i was somehow observing the cars passing by through the corridor outside the cardiothorasic ward. seeing the cars driving pass, i somehow started wondering again. i somehow feel that i am like a lost driver, not knowing where to go, where to move. i move when the traffic light turns green and stop when it turns red. sometimes, i speed up. sometimes, i slow down. sometimes, turning to the left, sometimes to the right.my destination? sometimes, i know where my destinations are but sometimes there's really not a single idea in mind. i started wondering, is this what i want to do with my life?
moving steps by steps it is. each moves, each turnings, leading to something new. some saying that you see life with each steps you take.
sometimes, i really wonder, who will i be say in another 5 years to come? where will i stand? what will i be doing? how my life will be?
i regreted for letting that opportunity slipped by. heart broken, disappointed...i wonder, what will happen if i grab hold of that oppotunity? i finally realised that there's really no turning back or u-turns in life. sometimes, there's really a strong need to grab strong hold on what is in front of us.

sp's no ways

2009-05-26T23:19:00.002+08:00

sharing the same cup of drink, sharing the same plate of food, sharing the same straw, sharing the same set of fork and spoon, sharing the same comb, sharing the same towel, sharing the same set of makeup.... that is so so so so NO WAY.. as the matter of fact, these are some of the things that i DISLIKE MOST, that i HATE most. DISGUSTING is the only word i can think of..... yuck....

after thoughts

2009-05-24T15:00:00.003+08:00

seated here in this afternoon, silence is the word. my mind was wandering but i do not know where had it wandered..there's so many things in mind but i do not know what were they or what are they, which then i started thinking what on earth am i thinking..
was it a sense of emptiness or a sense of insecurity?
sometimes, have been asking myself, what am i looking for? what am i seeking for? what am i aiming for? sometimes, lost in no way and started pondering about my directions? paths. there are many, each leading to different ways. the thoughts once again come. this path i am on now, where will it lead me to? had i choosen the right way? or had i not?
not denying that i am starting to like the course that i am pursueing now..not denying that i once was blur with it, not knowing a thing about it.. i do not why, one week plus time changed my mind set. perhaps, that little bit of exposure to the actual career field motivated me....perhaps..
these few days, i had a deep thought. finding that there were lots and lots of things that i had neglected, there are lots of things to learn and to gain..i feel very guilty and stupid. there are a lot of things that life have provided but yet i never really did open my eyes or even my heart to them. that is such a fool i am. promising myself that it is now the time to change.to look forward, to see, to feel, to experience, to live life to its fullest...and hoping that it is not too late...

^_^

2009-05-22T22:15:00.002+08:00

dad did his by pass surgery on the 15th of may. a 5 to 6 hours surgery.. thank God it was a successful one. though there was a little complication and dad had to stay in the icu for 5 days and another 3 days in the normal ward. really is expressing my greatest gratitude to the doctors of the sarawak general hospital. thank you very much to the surgeons, mr. Joshi, mr. Jong, the medical officers, Dr.kenny, Dr. christopher, Dr. yusri, the nurses....really thanks a lot...
this week, in and out of the hospital, seeing all the doctors and nurses work, can see that their life is very busy and of course they hold on to great responsibilities. somehow, there's a sudden urge that telling me that i really have to pay more attention to my studies, study harder in order to achieve something in life.
i happened to have a deep heart to heart talk with a friend of mine. all these while, i thought that i am the only one having those thoughts. but somehow, it was then proven wrong.. there's a lot who think that way too. we were like saying that when life moves on,when we grow older and older, it really is getting harder and harder to have those real, true and sincere friends.. somehow, in many cases, we might only know someone on the surface only, their true self, somehow is really hard for us to see through. some people are really great great friend to be, even only getting to get to know each other in a couple of hours or days, deep heart to heart talk is possible. but also, we too tend to stay a distance form some people...

2009-05-12T21:57:00.003+08:00

s.pin will not be around for a few weeks..
till then, take care...^_^

2009-05-09T23:24:00.002+08:00

browsed through the internet.. read on the cardiac by pass surgery...

2009-05-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

有人说，人生有时就像一首歌，有起有落，有高有低，有慢有快。
这首歌，是否曲风，乐奏，词句早已编策出？我们是否早已有首属于自己的歌? 一首让我们自由歌唱的歌?一首我们朗朗上口的歌？

:p

2009-05-07T22:17:00.004+08:00

it really has been ages, which i thought i've overcome it.. yet, when that innocent thing was on my hand, i had it thrown away immediately.. seeing it flown then landed on the floor, i was very guilty... luckily it's still alive. if not i would have scold myself and hit myself hard..
this is not the first time. it happened before years back..i am still scared of it...
it= fish= 鱼=ikan..yes, the fishes that live in water, swim in water....

i do not know why am i scared of it..im just scared of it...sounds so crazy, right?

bored >.<'

2009-05-06T23:12:00.004+08:00

2 posts in an hour, that indicating how bored i am.....it's so so so quiet, im the only one awake..
watched House season 5... nice and interesting... but yet i finished the whole of season 5 dy, so again im bored bored bored....
so out of boredom, i checked out a 偶像剧... never like 偶像剧 but then as it is so highly recommended, i tried it out.. and gosh, tell you what, there's so NO WAY im watching 偶像剧 anymore.. damn boring, pointless, suckss....
gosh, it only 11: 20pm.. im so so so awake... not at all sleepy.. what am i suppose to do????
how i wish that cousins are still living with us..really misses those days.. staying up the whole night fooling around, talking, chating....those days were never as quiet as now...
im BORED BORED BORED.....>.<

today

2009-05-06T22:18:00.003+08:00

too bored and it ended up me to be here... wanted to go out but due to some reason, i'm stuck at home.. my eyes on this dekstop, having my hands dancing on the keypad..topic? not a single idea....
tidy up my room today..found lot of things that were so long forgotten...
1. F5 auto..it really brings me back to those days..those days, though spm was like haunting us yet we all managed to have our fun... those days were really great fun.. sweet sweet memories there were...missing old days...
2. my F6 text books.. all nicely packed in a box.. wondering what am i suppose to do with them?
3. this watch of mine which i had on the day i turned 15. nicely packed in its disney box with the warantee card in it...a present from er zhie.. 6 years.... and amazingly it is still functioning...
4. the anklet and the necklace from da zhie, er zhie and koko on my 16th and 18th birthday...loving them..
5. books, books, books.. lots of books.. National Geography, Reader's Digest, novels...amazingly, my Enid Blyton series which i loved so much when i was a kid were all still there...and one that stands out particularly was this magazine which i happened to flip through a few pages.. the thing that caught my eyes were this 3 words- STUDYING BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE.read through that 4 pages articles...perhaps, now then i have a clearer view on what i am studying, its career fields and a few facts of it...
6. never realize that i've so many soft toys until today... teddy bears, dolphins, dogs...big and small.. and that whole set of drawfs of the snow white story, all 7 of them which dad bought for me when i was still a kid..
7. the most headache part is of course my closet..so many shirts that i don't know when i bought them..and some more there's a handfull that never did i put on.. -_-'''
8. photo albums.. again something that bring me back to old days... seeing all the photos one by one, i realized that how fast time passes by... histories were writen, memories were created.. this very minute, i promised myself that i really have to appreciate, to be thankful and of course to cherish everything and everyone that enter my life, be them my family, relatives, friends........everyone...

speechless

2009-05-06T15:55:00.000+08:00

I finally know how it feels to be having different channels and different keys… that is so damn BORED… in the end, I threw in a lame excuse and off I went…. Relief.. but, wth, my whole day mood got screwed up with a boring feel……
The worst hang out I ever had…which I doubted why I went after all??? It was just a normal day out, and wtf conversation and everything were like so formal…which I wonder why?????

2009-05-04T21:22:00.003+08:00

读回自己的部落，发觉，它是多么的灰暗。心想，这些都出自于我？自己也吓了一跳。。难道，心情的影响力那么恐怖？
叔嫔回来了，不再灰暗了。部落也不再灰暗。。^_^

me to me

2009-05-04T20:21:00.004+08:00

made up my mind..there's no way i am avoiding anymore..i will face it, go and grow through it...
move on. life moves on..nights following days..nothing will stop for you just because you fear it, because you do not know how to face it... the only way is to move with it, see what it brings, face it through...
this very minute, i'll be brave.. there are always hopes...there's always a bright side... i won't see things in the negative side anymore..
yes.. i know it. this is just part of life. a journey to undergo.. so, why fear? the more you fear it, the more you will just stop there, not moving at all.. hey man, life proceed, time passes by,no matter you want it or not, it moves..stop being an idiot, and move on...
the door is opened. it all depends on whether you want to walk through it or not.. and yes, i've decided, i'll walk through it.. where will it leads? frankly, i do not know. one step forward is better than no step at all.. so, why should i just stand there and peep through it? why not, i just walk through it... isn't it a stupid thing to be standing there, wondering what will it brings, where will it leads?
and yes.. ysp is back, back to being herself...no longer that stupid self that she has been dragging on for the past seven months...

2009-05-03T22:41:00.003+08:00

四周是吵闹的，是热闹的。可心却不懂得为何，飘得很远很远。。发呆了。不懂得为何，有种空虚的感觉。。
曾经，有朋友说过，我心中的那道墙立得很高很高，心事都不愿说出口。当时的我，愣了。也许吧，我想。回想起来，这21 年来，曾听我发泄的朋友，我想也没有几个吧。有时就算说了，心中也有所保留。这，也让很多人误以为，我对其不信任。我也不懂得，为什么，我心中的那道墙会立得那么高。或许，是，从小到大我都习惯于报喜不报忧。。。
可是，这些日子，我真的很想找人发泄。我已经害怕了那种笑只因不愿哭，玩闹，将自己忙倒只因想逃避，不让自己去想的日子。我不是不知道，逃避并不是方法。我也非常清楚，很多事情面对是必要的。可是，我真的很害怕，很害怕。。。我真的没有勇气面对。。

2009-05-01T23:19:00.002+08:00

OmG, cant believe im doing this. its the lamest, boredest, insane stuff i've done so far...what's the hell is wrong with me??no next time, really, there won't be any next time...next time, the answer would definitely be a NO NO NO NO NO NO...............

。。。。

2009-04-30T15:24:00.002+08:00

今天，已是四月的最后一天了。明天，五月。五月的到来，我害怕了。这几天回来，都把自己搞累，不让自己停歇片刻，原因，只有一个，不让自己去想。心中越来越害怕，心中越来越担忧。
昨夜的我，哭了。。
不懂得为何，我仍然没有那面对的勇气。那份勇气，从开始我都没有。。我，一直都在逃避，逃避面对。。。
昨夜与今日，我放飞机了。原因，想让自己静一静。。。
乱了。怕了。
想找人发泄，可话却说不出口。

-_-'''

2009-04-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

yes!!!yeah!!!it finally comes to that moment, that moment i have been waiting for so so so long!!!yes, u get me right..HOLIDAY..it's the time that i have been waiting, waiting...back to my home sweet home, back to a place that i so so so miss... with no more waking up early morning, no more burning midnight oil, no more studying till tears dropping, no more no more of this, at least for this 2 months plus time..
i also do not know why.. im disliking examss... disliking...had been waiting for exam to get over even before it started..i so remembered that those days before and during finals are really like hell to me... especially those three days before anatomy paper... there were that little voices urging me to study yet i do not know why the mood were really not there... i don't hate anatomy but i do hate memorizing...im terrible in it...it was the first time i cried while studying.. that is really so ridiculous....and in the end, did i finish munching, swallowing my anatomy??NO NO NO.. i left out 3 notes, topics... just managed to glanced through a few pages, not all....that is so so so terrible....really dont know what were i thinkng....almost the same situation went to my H.E, kenegaraan,animal...i skipped the last two chapters for HE( cos, the more i read on, the angrier, the more fade up i get. why? those who read that book should know..).. i only glanced through my kenegaraan, i cincai read through my animal notes, didn't finish the disease part....i must had gone crazy... really must be out of my mind that time...
anyway, enjoying my holidays to the fullest!!!!

my 2nd sem- suming up..

2009-04-23T20:09:00.002+08:00

4 months, come and go. That’s how fast time passes. 2nd semester heading on to its full stop, indicating that a year spent in upm.
2nd semester, a starting point for many things, a closer exposure to life as an undergraduate. Though, there are still many doubts and uncertainities, many days spent in rushing on assignments, reports, great lots of tests to undergo, yet, slowly believing that, that is just part of life. Slowly moving ahead, slowly coping up with it.( though im still terrible in it.)
Life of this semester is more hectic than the last...yet, thinking back, it haven’t reach the most scary level yet.. perhaps, time is more packed up, but, there are still times of joys and laughters. Laughters shared among coursemates, laughters shared among seniors, laughters shared among new friends…. That is memorable and unforgettable....appreciating everyone and every souls in upm here..days in upm would be dull and meaningless without u all.
changes. perhaps there are changes...but, one thing that doesn't seem to change at all, perhaps is that sense of sincerity....

anatomy pre-exam syndrom

2009-04-18T16:04:00.004+08:00

shot... what's the matter with me??!! cant seem to get anything in... damn damn damn....
trying hard to 'swallow up' upper limb, lower limb, thorax, abdomen, head and neck but yet nothing nothing, not a single thing seem to get in... damn....what's wrong???????????!!!!!!!
so sensitve to caffeine and yet can actually dozzed off while reading that set of upper limb notes..i must have gone crazy, must have gone insane....
help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
few more hours to go for the paper, MUST,really MUST force myself to read on...

2009-04-15T11:06:00.001+08:00

现在的时间，早晨11时。思绪开始凌乱。
考试季节，四周静得有点可怕，静得带点压力。。音乐歌曲，笑声仿若随季节渐走远。取而代之的，是那凌乱得有点艺术的笔记，那时间不够用的感觉，那与咖啡因共舞的日子。。。怪也怪自己，临时抱佛脚。。。。

感激

2009-04-15T11:05:00.000+08:00

心存感激，心存感恩。
那夜，篮球场小聚；那夜，一同让岁月流入人生中的第21 年头，心中所含的感激无从言语。唯将它化为文字，让文字给予传达。
感激系友，感激学长，感激学姐，感激。。。。
雨后的夜，那是冷的。考试前夕的周围，一切宁静得有点恐怖。但，心却是暖的。谢谢大家。。
电话，是无生命的，但，它所传达的信息，的声音却是活的，是暖的，是无价的。。谢谢。。。

话

2009-04-08T21:01:00.003+08:00

“世界也许不再单纯，快乐也许不再简单，生活也许多了面对，多了复杂；　但，　不去探索它，　又怎知那片天是暗是明？”
这，曾是心中的话，曾是不懂得为何响起的一句话。
_____________________________________________________________________
为何，每次考试越近，就越没心读书呢？
那想玩的心，　为何每每都在考试季节逼近时就越强?眼望notes，　心却飘了。　
非常讨厌这面的我。
help!! why???!! i really need to be motivated!!!!

2009-04-04T21:42:00.002+08:00

笑，只因，不愿争辨。不语，尝试分析。
气在心中。深感无言。

randomzzzzzz

2009-04-03T19:58:00.003+08:00

one more week to final... that is scary... having that piles of notes on the desk, stalking them up, omG, that is even more scary.... seeing how much things that need to go through, that is freaking..
received a phone call from da zhie early morning..that is rare, and with her tone like that, it really freak me off. initial thought was that, "omG, what again this time? no bad news pls.." heart beating fast and waiting eagerly for her to finish her line...luckily it was no bad news, just a simple call to say hi....-_-'' sp's rule number 1, pls no starting of a phone call with such low, down, sad silence tone....
anyway, guess that i should be back to my studies now.....

out of no way...

2009-03-30T20:03:00.002+08:00

lights off 1 am something, tossed and turned till 3 am something. and crazy me who do not know when and why i had my alarm on on 5am??!!! 5am sharp, Plain White T's hey there, Delilah woken me up... which obviosly i do not know why am i waking up so early, since classes start at 9am.. must had gone insane..
a new week started again..a usual monday packed with lectures..but yet it's the second last monday of lectures.. that is how fast time flies.. this is the 13th week already... 13 weeks before this, the semester just started, a new start point with new challenges..yet, 13 weeks passed by, everything coming to a conclusion, coming to an end point for this semester.. this sem, everything seem to be passing by with great speed..it was of the same time span, yet it seem like time passed by faster than the last...
FINAL around the corner..scary it is, yet an unescapable phase...all the best then..

a sunday.....

2009-03-29T23:53:00.003+08:00

a sunday, eyes not on notes, not rushing on assignments or reports, that is so so so rare, that is such a relief...
with music on- ing to full blast, enduring into the songs....
with moments on movies, moments on games, moments on articles, moments on chit-chating.....
that is a sunday so so so long gone. yet, i managed to find it back again, today....
though final is rushing on, yet im not into the moods onto those notes yet...
is it a sunday wasted or a sunday gained?

.....

2009-03-26T17:58:00.002+08:00

sleepy+ sleepy+sleepy =-_-= @__@#O_O
now, i knew how it feels to have only 3 hours plus sleep before entering the exam hall.
after the test, physically i'm awake, but mentally i'm dozzzing off... dozzing off..to dream land..

innerly voicing out

2009-03-22T11:06:00.003+08:00

OmG, where gone my mood, my mood to study???
after my biochem paper, i didn't even touches my anatomy notes, which i am so suppose to be touching on.....
yesterday, the whole day, i didn't study at all, till now im still blur blur- ing..
what's wrong with me???!!!
am i sick of studying??? or that so many to be memorized stuffs freak me off???
my eyes had been staring on the same slide for more that 2 hours but nothing get in.. and somemore, there's only 9 words on that slide....-_-""die la....
im really scared of memorizing....everytime, i had me eyes on that notes, everytime, when that little voice in me telling me that,"hey, remember that, memorize this...", i start wanting to flee of..oh gosh, are there any subject in this course that do not need so many memorizing???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

in my mind now

2009-03-20T21:47:00.002+08:00

ruined my biochem paper...did badly for the paper..
first time, not enough time, were like writing without thinking, rushing to have the questions answered...
did badly.. not a single idea on what the question wanted. forced myself to write in something,not to leave it blank, hopefully and praying hard i hit some points...
went to the mines..
with the hope that it can brings me off reality.. to not to think back on that screwed paper...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
another paper to go for test 2... 2 weeks after that, final.... FINAL.. a word so deep... a word so scary.....tests and exams, somehow have become part of my life... this 3 months plus of my 2nd semester, life is like rushing on for tests, exams, completing reports, assignments...though, i like to keep myself occupied with things,yet somehow, this is scary, very scary....and yet, this is only my 2nd semester.. there's still another 6 semesters to go....start wondering, can i hang on till then???

trust?

2009-03-17T10:53:00.000+08:00

Trust. I believe in trust. That is why I never question a word told, I choose to believe. I choose to have full trust on everyone and every word.
Now, I start to wonder, should I have full trust in every word and everyone? I start to doubt.
Sometimes, I really feel that I am such a fool. Truth? How many percentage behind each words are truth? I really start wondering.
Not that I do not know how to differentiate between the truths and the lies. Though, I have to admit that sometimes I really do not know how to differentiate. But then, the word trust has long embedded in my heart. That is why all these why I have been opting to believe in everyone, to not to question and to accept each words.
Many many things all these while have really arisen the question as to should I still hold on strong to the word trust? Should I or should I not?

天

2009-03-13T23:06:00.005+08:00

just some random pics i captured....

randoming againzzz...

2009-03-13T18:53:00.002+08:00

it's friday, friday friday again.... a week gone with nothing much done...a week time wasted..pathetic is the word.. gosh.. really hate myself...
difficult, difficult, difficult.. everthing's difficult... lipid metabolism, carbohydrate metabolism, nucleic acid, bioenergetic...hard hard hard.. eyes laid upon the notes, but hardly understand what they are... all those pathways, enzymes, products, reactants.... errows, diagrams here and there... blurr blurr blurr, question marks here and there....
skeletal system, embrology, terminology on the run.... so many to remember,so many to memorize... gosh...going hair wired....im so dead, so so so dead...
so many due dates to catch.. kenegaraan,HE, animal, anatomy, biochem..all still on the way, in progressing....
angry with myself... angrying...that's why i look so black this few days...

happy birthday dad

2009-03-11T10:29:00.003+08:00

today, the 11th of March. a simple post to wish daddy a happy happy birthday.
may your everyday be blessed with joy and happiness.
happy birthday, dad!!!!! love u now and forever...

不同

2009-03-07T09:08:00.000+08:00

突然的我，发觉，原来很多事情，随着时间流撤，不知不觉中都起了变化。
从前的喜，从前的爱，曾经的怒，曾经的哀；如今，味蕾感觉是否变了？不知如何回复。只能说，某种程度上是不同了。
今日，眼望同一部mv. 想起了很多从前的从前，钩起了那曾经创造的回忆。那,已成如今的追忆。或许，时间带领我们步上另一个境界，抹去过去。
变了。是变了。不管是十年前，五年前乃是一年前，一切仿若是历史。踏入生命，也步出生命。一切仿若进进出出，无法控制离乃留。
思想的变化，思想的不同。某种程度上是可怕的。某种程度上是摸不清的。同一个问题，同一个情况，四年前与如今的答复是不一的。四年前的我，会很坚决的说，我要往文学艺术之路前进。四年后今日的我，踏上了生物医学之路。此路，选了，走着。心中可有为那没踏上的路遗憾过？或许，至今我还没真感后悔，真感遗憾。我，选择，爱上此路。
八年前与今日，那是一段长而远的距离。中学时期的梦，中学时期的狂野，那是年少的我们还是年少无知的我们？
曾何几时，拥有过无忧的日子。曾何几时，单纯度日，生活没诈恶之分。曾何几时，笑靥是真诚的，笑靥是发自内心的。这些，曾经的曾经，如今是否已走远？
有时，发觉，笑不再是笑。原该是温的，却不懂得为何冷以渐掺扎。是心淡了吗？乃是隔阂已渐立？
或许，时间慢慢地让我们走近，走近那必须面对的真实。

缘

2009-03-03T12:38:00.005+08:00

缘与分，那是奥秘的。
很多时候，缘分将原本不认识的大家连系。渐渐的建立起友谊的树苗。
机场偶遇，却能演变成今日的无所不谈。
原隔南中国海，却成今日的好友。
距离分散大家，却依然心相系。
曾经误会大吵，却成了今日知己。
原是陌生，却成了今日哥姐弟妹相称。
无话说，却成了今日的聊谈聚乐部。
不熟变熟透，不识成相识。
昨日，与友闲聊。话题无意间转于至友与情。是的，很多时候，某个阶段都得面对离散。幼儿园升小学，小学升中学，中学升大学。。。以后所走的路，每一段都得经历离散别离。心或许是绞痛的。但，一起携手同步的时刻，一同走过人生的每一位，不会忘也不能忘。这些的这些，永在心里，藏脑海。那些依然紧密相连的却是生命中的知心好友。
每一个路程，每一个距离，每踏出的一步，所遇的人也增加，友谊的种子也在散播。非常感激，一路走来的颗颗真心。这些立起的树苗，散播出的种子，我珍惜，我感恩。
以后的路，是聚是离？未知数。这刻却是真实的。珍惜，把握这刻。

another random post

2009-02-25T23:40:00.003+08:00

“配合的同时，也不能失去自我。”
do not know why, this word just come to me so suddenly. was so shock that i have this words out of my mouth...
yup, that's right.
living a world that is so so so not ourselves is really hectic. moving on ways that seem should be on, but having no aims or motivation. we move because we have to move. we walk bacause we couldn't stop. dragging ourselves on days by days... wondering why, where, how....that is so so so lost...
through the mirror, we see ourselves. the reflection shows the physical side of ourselves.the side that we potray each day, the side that people see us. wondering, through the mirror, can we see our true self? wonder, how many of us, that really know ourselves? how many of us, that truely understand ourselves? how many of us,that really see ourselves? how many of us, that can really answer the question' who am i?'
life. perhaps, that what life is. for us to explore and find that hidden self.
perhaps, we not only have to go through life but also grow through it.

TESTS- NEVER ENDING

2009-02-24T17:39:00.003+08:00

animals... animals... animals....
gosh man, so many stupid, careless, shouldn't be mistakes..... stupid me!!! hate it!! scolding myself!!!!!!
2 more days to physiology and neuromuscular paper...
tests...tests... tests...
one paper after another...
its the 8th week dy..
test 2 around the corner again...after that FINAL...
the year 2009 moving to its 3rd month soon..and that indicating that it's almost half a sem gone...gosh...time really flies!!!!!
this gal here really having tests phobia dy...
studying, studying, studying... that is so so so not me...
a gal who never had her eyes on her textbooks for more than2 hours now struggling hard, cracking her head on all those notes..a gal whose studying hours never exceeding 9pm now extending and extending....
gosh....
skeletal, nerves, muscles, bioenergetics, muscular system, nucleic acid, embrology.... so many things in the run......

谢谢。

2009-02-20T16:19:00.002+08:00

一通电话，熟悉的声音。
那份问候，那份关心，
暖和寒冷的心。
感动，感激，感恩。。。
万分谢意，无从表达，
唯有化作一句，
“谢谢您”。

a simple post in this hour....

2009-02-20T00:10:00.004+08:00

just have a sudden urge to jot down something here, though there's totally no idea what i want to write..
somehow, is feeling that time really flies... it's friday again.. another week coming to an end....do not know why, this me here suddenly do not like that feeling, that feeling that another week gone and yet there's nothing much done. i hate it this way..that strong thoughts that i have been wasting my time is really haunting me..my plans are not under progress..100% due to my laziness.. i hate this me... had been telling myself hundreds and thousands times that i shouldn't be, but yet im still that me who keep on wasting her time.... slap me! hit me!! wake me up!!!
uni life, getting to like it anyway.. though there are exams and tests which i fear most... yet, the chance to mix around, working together with those of different courses is fun..that chances to make new friends are really great... i love it this way.... compared to last sem, this uni life is what i prefer.perhaps, that was what missing last sem, which made me feel so lost and miserable last sem...i really do not like life with books and notes only...i hate it..it makes me feel so stupid, makes me feel that there's something that is so incomplete... i love mixing around, love having new experiences, love to explore.. hopefully, in the future, there's more of such chances to explore, to experience, to work, to have fun not only with those in the same course but also with those of other courses and faculties as well...i really do not want to spend my uni life on books and notes only... i want to make that 3 and a half more years a memorable one.. i do not want that in times to come, my answer to what have i gained from my uni life is- "study study study and study...." i sure will be very regret on that...

感触。。。

2009-02-17T12:57:00.004+08:00

昨夜的我，原打算将那biochem report 赶完。但却被一张文章深深吸引.
读了，泪也想流了。
躺在床上，四周一片黑暗。无从入眠。想了很多，很多。
发觉很多时候，生命可是悴弱的。
人在悴弱中成长，也在悴弱中求存。
明天会如何，没人懂得。盲目的走向明日，却不懂得走的同时，所遗忘的，所忽列的也随之类积。
心中所种下的遗憾随之类积。
遗憾，不懂得珍惜。失去了，才懂得后悔，才懂得不是每件事都是偶然。这点至今我还学不会。这刻的我，有点芒然。一方面的我，问了自己，倘若可回到从前，我可会如何？一方面的我，告诉自己，当一却已走远，无从有何变化。
今早，从mpg1 往下望，所见的是那片garden. 看着那青中带白的小地方，发呆了。心想，要是能将青与白困为一体，没有青白之分，那该多好。

2009-02-17T08:22:00.001+08:00

心，是冷的。
心，是寒的。

kokos

2009-02-15T21:27:00.004+08:00

was on msn since i finished my H.E paper.. though there's 1 more paper to go tomorrow.. -_-'''
really had great great fun chatting with richard koko...were updating each others news and were joking here and there.. fun .. familiar style of jokess.. our style of jokes..
he's my koko since f2?f3?
like what he said, the two of us are like 壁虎遇见变色龙.that is what he wrote in my auto... we keep on quarreling. we have our fun in quarelling. we play and had great great fun together.. shooting each other...keking each other.... bullying each other...also a great listener, a great advisor....a great great great friend and a great great great koko...
since i mentioned bout koko..
then might as well introducing all my kokos...
there's sheng en koko... another great koko...same as usual, we shoot, joke, kek and have great great fun...the one that i so used to bully..he has been helping me in many things, great many thank you for that.. we used to fight for chairs in classes, we used to quarrel in front of the whole class till everyone knows our line dy- " you started it 1st.. no, you started it 1st" that's our famous line...also the one who missed called me 20++ times..paiseh oh...smsing each other often talking crapzzz..
my oppologies to richard koko and sheng en koko.. sorry that i ever pinch u all till 黑青。。 sorry ....taking back my words-" 哥哥是来bully的"..
here in upm, i have another koko..eng zhuan koko.. a great great great buddy and a great great great senior....
really am thankful.. really is.... to have such great great kokos, what more can i ask for??
appreciating everyone of them.....

#@$%^&*&^%$#@

2009-02-13T14:30:00.004+08:00

im not suppose to be here.. not not not suppose to be here.. tests tests tests coming up and yet im here here here.. gosh, whats the wrong with me????
hypotizing myself that they are interesting...they are fun...
friday again... time flying, time passing and time loosing....
so fast so fast so fast, a week is almost coming to an end...
1 paper this week and another 4 coming up...suppose to be 3 but since i wasnt there for that paper, so taking it next week, totaling up to be 4...
tests tests tests...
somehow having PHOBIA. and i mean it, great PHOBIA....

2009-02-11T09:37:00.002+08:00

乱了，何时才能平复？
现在的我，上下不定，左右难辨？
眼前的路，分叉的出口，
手握方向盘，却不懂得该如何走？
戴上耳机，随音符飘越，
所得的，也只不过是短暂的逃避。
时间越逼近，心也越乱，
想了种种的结果，
越想越害怕，越想越想逃避。
可，我有逃避的权力吗？
那近将来临的五月，
我真的不懂得如何面对？
那些日子，
亲眼见了，亲耳听了，
背后的苦，背后的痛。
不懂得这次的我，能否再次坚强?
真的不知所措。

stupidious post after anantomy test..

2009-02-10T13:15:00.001+08:00

Anatomy...drives me crazy..
wondering hard is there any subject in this course that do not need so much memorizing??? i HATE memorizing....
thanks to all those morning calls these few days.. had been receiving calls as early as 4am- "hey yo, wake up lo, study lo.."though, it ended up i actually woke up the earliest 5am or later...
yesterday, chap goh meh. a quiet one... no nice nice food, no reunion dinner, no fireworks... BUT yes cofe food( sucks),yes anatomy notes... wtf..

just to share around...

2009-02-09T16:35:00.002+08:00

"twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
a line that i happened to come across. A line that i found that it really is meaningful. A line that i think is so true..A line that i like so much...

emo-ing

2009-02-08T16:08:00.003+08:00

it's SUNDAY. a sunday and what am i doing? stuck in college befriending anatomy..wtf
gosh.....damn no idea what am i reading.. trying to stuck all those don't know what nerve, muscle, connective tissue, epithelia into my head. but with no idea whether did they get in? gosh, im so dead....
chap goh mei tomorrow.. so hope that i can be home celebrating the last day of CNY..not only have to say bye bye to all those nice nice food, still need to crack my head on anatomy...test the next day... >.<
depending solely on my left hand now.. right hand so lack of energy after that 3 hours tennis session..handwriting now sucks..somehow better than those written with an unenergized right hand... -_-""

turning CRAZY

2009-02-06T19:54:00.002+08:00

im so out of my mind.. im going nuts..
anatomy is really driving me CRAZY...cant seem to get anything into my head...ARG~~~~
gosh....what's the matter with me?????!!!
had been reading on the same thing...STUCK there with NO progress at all..
shot..damn it..hate it this way!!!
only 3 more days to the test... and there's still so many things UNTOUCH.. i DON'T WANT to ruin that paper...i DON'T WANT to 'die' in the exam hall....