i've been asking myself over and over again. is it my fault?? what have i done wrong?? everything seem like a mess. everything just doesn't seem to be on track. why why why??
i have dreams. i have. but now, i wonder, do i still have the right to dream?? i wonder, will all these have an effect on my dream??
i... just need some guidance..

转眼,三年已过.

发觉, 自己比想象中脆弱.

没了勇气.

小时候期望长大, 长大后回首小时候.

前几天,踏入了小学母校. 那陪伴了我六年成长的地方,顿时熟悉又陌生. 熟悉于环境依然熟略.陌生于岁月的冲洗,那批身穿校服,在校园里蹦蹦跳跳的一群小瓜儿,不再是熟悉的面孔.

岁月把皆日筑梦期的我们, 带领于今日走在或努力的前往于皆日所筑的梦.

小时候的天空, 无忧无虑. 那放学后回到父母怀抱的日子, 那闷了玩闹, 累了休息的日子, 如今回望, 乃会会心一笑.

不知何时开时,不一样了.长大后的天空, 多了责任, 多了复杂.

孩提时的那份天真, 那份无邪依然存在吗?

pin's sem 5

my semester 5 has come to an end..semester 5, a semester that brought me through a journey of ups and downs..
yes.. i love pathology, i love clinical biochem, i love parasitology and medical entomology,i love endocrinology and reproductive physiology, i love human nutrition, i like spanish..i love all subjects tought this semester..i love the feeling of being able to learn new things, being able to add in something into my little brain..
semester 5, same as usual, full of assignments, tests, exam.. life is busy but fun...going through each days with things to accomplished written on the calender days.... it feels great.. at least i know that, time is not wasted.. i really like the phase" u feel bored because u have nothing to do". i do not want my life to be meaningless, i do not want my days to be wasted..
what caught me most this semester, perhaps is a lesson thought.. a lesson that thought me to be more careful, a lesson that caught me so much that i started to wonder "why?". i blame myself.. blame myself for my carelessness, blame myself for trusting people that easily.. i wonder, am i that stupid? am i that naive? yes, to a certain extend, im naive, naive for trusting the words.. stupid for my first decision... anyway, this remains a lesson to me... perhaps, to see things in another way, it helps me.. at least i grow through it..
anyway, starting my in- house training next week.. really looking forward to it..^^

lately

things has been playing in my mind lately..
i do not know what action to take.. i do not know what to do..
it's been a while..
sometimes, i told myself just keep quiet n be patient..
sometimes, i questioned myself, is this the right way?
some said, forgive and forget and live on..
i wonder, am i able to do so??
it sounds weird.. it feels kinda weird..
in my mind, i asked: what if i forgive but not forget? not forget as in taking it as a lesson, a lesson teaching me to be more careful,teaching me not to trust anyone solely..
whatever it is, i take it as a lesson taught..

sometimes, i'm feeling that, things change.
do not know whether is this termed as growing? or is it natural to have different views as time passes by.

in my mind...

it's june.. half of 2010 gone, or rather, gained??
went through january... the 1st month of 2010.. the begining of the year.. with new year reasolutions, new year wishes, goals and targets... now, i started wondering, in the middle 0f 2010, of all those new year resolutions, goals, targets.. how many were reached???
went through february.. a month of festive.. with chinese new year, valentines' day, chap goh mei... a month filled with joy...
and there goes march.. the 3rd month of the year 2010... with assignments, tests pouring in.. with activities that give some time off school works..
also, went through april.. a month i m a year older... perhaps, also the last month of my 4th semester.. mixed feelings of joys and tears..
went through a blissful month of may..with the semester holiday just started..being in the arms of family members..
and, it is now the begining of june.. with july, august, september, october, november, december ahead.. i wonder, how the rest of my 2010 will be??

pin's 4th sem

semester 4 is over.. said bye bye to it... and is also thankful that i survived through another semester....
semester 4... many things come and go, many things happened, experoences gained and will be gaining as the time goes on...
In the sense of academy, though there were great lots of exams and great lots of things to read on, yet it is always a great thing to know more, to learn more.. as learning is a never ending process.. perhaps, after 2 years in this area, i think that I’m getting to love lab work….with hand ons and everything to play with , how can it not be fun? I’ve forgotten when, but I’m pretty sure that it’s somewhere within my 2nd year, that I told myself, I must at least grab hold of every exposures during lab sessions.. I won’t want to graduate knowing nothing at all…
perhaps, 1 that brought great significant to many biomedical science student was the very 1st malaysia biomedical symposium.. perhaps, to a certain extend it was not a perfect one… yet, what it managed to brought was not words can say..
this 4th sem, got myself involved in this golden key thingy… it is just a beginning.. a long long way to go.. but, I hope that it would be a great one…
also, I’m a year older..so sad to say that im no longer in my sweet 21.. anyway, I’ll make my 22nd a sweet memorable one.. i hope that, when I look back later in life, my 22 would not be a wasted one.. so, live, dream, explore, discover…..
great lots of lessons gained this semester.. which I will always remember and will follow me wherever I go.. 1. Appreciate and show gratitude to those who help.. 2. Decisions are made by our own self, no one can helps us, as it is our life not others…3. Be responsible for everything we do..4.when things goes wrong, put the blame on ourselves not others..5. always have back up plans..
the most important thing that this sem, told me, is that, it is actually a great blessing to be given the chance to live.. nothing is more precious that life itself.. L=live I=it F=fully E=exclamation mark… whatever life brings, whatever that happens, they come with a reason.. so, live life and grab whatever life wants us to know…

ifs

so many if in life which i started wondering which if to take..
sometimes, decision is damn hard to be made.. there's always a part giving the green light, and a part giving the red light.. as what is said, the angel and the devil part working at the very same time....
whichever it is, red or green, go or stop, i just hope that i am not gonna regret on what i have decided...
telling myself, that, making decision, to be able to stand at the T junction, deciding a left or a right, is actually a blessing in life..
"L= live
I=It
F=fully
E=exclaimation mark!!!!!"
holding upon it... ^.^